Calmness for my nerves.
Then. Now. Soon.
Calmness for my nerves.
COULD THIS BE ANY MORE ACCURATE
THIS IS THE MOST WONDERFULLY ACCURATE THING I’VE EVER LAID MY EYES ON
This is the most accurate thing on Tumblr.
“What began as an earnest effort to help on the part of Amherst, became an emotionless hand washing. In those places I should’ve received help, I saw none. I suppose there are many possible reasons for this. But in the end, I’m still here and so too is that night. I hold no ill will nor do I place an iota of blame upon my family. I blame a society that remains unwilling to address sexual assault and rape. One that pays some object form of lip service to the idea of sexual crimes while working its hardest to marginalize its victims. One where the first question a college president can pose to me, regarding my own assault is, ‘Have you handled your drinking problem?’
My story is far from exceptional in this regard. Every two minutes there is another victim. 97% of rapists will never spend a day in jail. 1 in every 6 woman in the US has been a victim of rape and 1 in 33 men. Despite this, every awful myth about rape persists. So
It’s late (or early?). 6:00 AM. But I can’t sleep. Why? I AM TOO HAPPY AND EXCITED! (And, yes, because I have a 10-page paper to work on)
What is there to be happy about? Definitely not the fact that I still have a crap load of work to do. Or that I may have to drop a course and eventually have to make up the credit for it due to my horrible health. What could a sick person possibly be happy about?
Let’s back track a bit. In what way am I sick? Well, it’s been about 12 days now since I have had an actual meal. Ensure and soups have been covering my “meals.” Of course, that is not enough. But those are the only things that my stomach is willing to keep down. Anything else (bread, cereal, snacks, fruit, anything solid) has been kicked out through means of vomitus. It hurts too much. My stomach refuses to keep such foods in. Today, things only got worse when after some soup, I felt nauseous enough to chuck it all back up. That was after needing to wake up in the morning because the urge to plant my face into a toilet was too great. 4 times today that happened. All throughout the day I just kept feeling nauseous. So even my single “meal” of soup changed my day into a “no meal” day.
After throwing up the first time, I couldn’t stand it anymore. 12 days of not eating is just too much. I thought I might be able to last. Until November 19th. When I was supposed to see a specialist (gastroenterologist, to be exact). Now, that was just too long of a wait. I called them, ready to beg them to bump me up to an earlier date.
“Hi. I would like to change my appointment. I…”
“Ok sure. We actually just got an opening for tomorrow. Would you like to come in?”
“That would be wonderful.”
“Alright. What’s your name? When was your original appointment?”
And with that short phone conversation, my day was made 1000 times better. I could finally have a better idea as to what was going on with my body! I could not stop praising God with all my heart. I just kept turning back to Him. With so much praise. This is the second time that I have felt His great love so directly. I know He loves me. But as a human, and a Christian still on the road to returning to her Father, I have questioned the presence of God. I never truly “felt” Him. I knew. But because I didn’t “feel,” I didn’t truly and fully believe. But this year, He has showered me with so much love. As He has all my life. But He answered my prayers. Never have I felt so much love for my Father. I know it should not have taken this in order for me to love Him, to know that He truly loves me. My faith should have been stronger. Now, I know. For sure. I will never again question His love for me. His child. His daughter.
And thus explains my happiness and excitement. Never have I been this happy about a doctor’s appointment. I hate going to the doctor’s. But this time, I love it. I just wish I was there already. Getting checked up. I want to find out what is wrong with me. Keeping my fingers crossed for good news. Praying to God that everything will be fine. No matter what, I know He is there for me.
Joshua 1:9. As what I have tattooed on my wrist.
Let it be known that my campus is not unique in this. It happens everywhere. I am just hoping that with this, people can begin to take action and demand change.
Thanks, Angie, for sharing your story. Not only are you a strong and brave soul, you have also helped many others become stronger and braver as well.